


Shine for me

by LeeHyunjin



Category: GOT7, Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:54:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeHyunjin/pseuds/LeeHyunjin
Summary: Changbin and Youngjae have been best friends for as long as they can remember.  And as is customary for best friends, they've been through quite a bit together.  From small pranks to study afternoons to cables in school, everything is included.  But then the innocent children turn into teenagers and with that comes the curiosity about a lot of things that were previously taboos.  Eventually one of them gives in to his curiosity, not knowing that this will turn their entire world upside down.
Relationships: Choi Youngjae & Seo Changbin, Choi Youngjae/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 1





	Shine for me

It was spring, it was already getting dark and it was pouring out of buckets. It just matched his state of mind perfectly. The jacket hung over his arm and the white, wet shirt clung to his skin. Strands of pitch black hair fell over his face and he kept his head bowed as he walked slowly down the sidewalk. He felt lonely, he felt empty. And he was ashamed of his behavior not even half an hour earlier.

Normally he should be standing in front of the altar now. Not as a groom, but as his best friend's best man. His best friend, who is marrying his great love today. His best friend, whom he knew from an early age. His best friend, with whom he went through thick and thin. His best friend, with whom he had his first kiss, his first time. His best friend, who is so much more to him than he should be. And it hurt. It hurt so much to see him with this other boy. But did he even have the right to be angry and hurt? No, he certainly didn't.

He stopped at a bench and dropped onto it, then tilted his head back and closed his eyes. It didn't bother him that it was raining. Maybe the water could wash away those damn feelings he couldn't have. And he remembered. He remembered the day Changbin came into his life ......

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Children, this is Changbin. He's only recently moved here, so I hope you'll be nice to him and become good friends." Youngjae looked up from his building blocks and looked curiously at the boy who was almost hiding behind the teacher and was staring at them all with big, frightened eyes. The new boy didn't seem to care about his friends, who were sitting with him on the play carpet. They had only looked up briefly and then continued playing. Youngjae looked briefly at them and then again at Changbin, who was now all alone. He had clawed his fingers in the hem of his jacket and was staring at the floor, near tears. Youngjae felt sorry for the boy, so he got up and went to him. "Hello Changbin.", He greeted him, whereupon the new guy winced and stared at him with big eyes. Youngjae put on his brightest smile and tilted his head slightly to one side. "I'm Youngjae, but you can call me Jaejae." His mother had often said that his openness and sunny disposition were the reason he made friends so quickly. And this time it seemed to come true, because Changbin returned his smile, albeit a little uncertainly. "Hello JaeJae. You can call me Binnie if you want.", He said shyly. Youngjae cheered inwardly that Changbin reacted to him at all, outwardly he just smiled and finally took the other boy's hand. "Come on, let's play!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Who would have thought that this would lead to such a deep friendship? From that day on they had been inseparable. Then they went to the same school, went to the same class, and built a sizable circle of friends around them. But none of the other boys could force their way into their friendship. Then came high school, and with it puberty. Building blocks and toy cars had long since lost their appeal, but other things came to the fore. And other problems too. Youngjae slowly opened her eyes. The rain had dropped a little, but it was still drizzling. Like back then .....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What a shit of weather!", Changbin swore after Youngjae opened the door for him. The brunette giggled and watched his best friend, who in spite of his bad mood still had the decency to put his jacket and shoes away properly. "April is like that, Binnie. The sun can just shine and the next moment it goes symbolically the world beneath. ", Youngjae laughed as they walked into his room together. Changbin then grinned slightly. "Then it's a good thing that I was born in August and not in April. Otherwise I could hear from you that these weather-related mood swings are a perfect fit for me." "Do it anyway, even if you weren't born in April.", Youngjae replied unmoved and, giggling, dodged Binnie's hand, who wanted to give him a slap in the neck. Then he closed the door of his room behind them and smiled at his best friend, "So where are the problems? You said on the phone that you have a problem." Keeping the smile, but also a little confused, Youngjae watched Changbin nervously rubbing his neck. "Well, it's not really a problem, Jaejae. But I would like to try something.", The black-haired man finally replied and slowly approached Youngjae. The latter stepped back reflexively and stared at Changbin with wide eyes. He didn’t know such behavior from the boy and it kind of scared him. The brunette was finally able to put himself in the shoes of a mouse that is about to be eaten. Only that you could understand why a cat caught mice. Youngjae didn't understand Changbin's behavior at all, but he couldn't get an explanation for it either. When the brunette finally bumped his back against the wall of the room, he knew he was trapped. "Wh ... Wh is this supposed to be, Binnie?" He stuttered. Changbin was now standing in front of him and resting one hand on the wall next to Youngjae's head. "How long have you been afraid of me, Jaejae? You know that I would never harm you.", The black-haired replied and looked really downcast for a moment. Youngjae hastily shook her head. "I'm not afraid of you! I'm just confused!" He contradicted a bit more violently than intended. Changbin then smiled slightly and gently grabbed Youngjae's chin. "Believe me, I'm confused too," the black-haired man mumbled. Youngjae couldn't get around to saying anything anymore, when Changbin leaned over and kissed him. Youngjae's eyes grew to what felt like a plate and the blood rushed into his face. That was wrong! That was so wrong! They were best friends and best friends didn't kiss! He was completely overwhelmed with the situation. His eyes desperately searched for Changbins, but he had closed his eyes and moved his lips almost desperately against Youngjaes. The hand that had just held his chin was now on the back of his neck. And damn it, the black-haired man was good at kissing! His lips were rough and tasted sweet, like he'd been drinking soda or something. But Youngjae liked it. And these feelings frightened him terribly. With all the willpower he could muster, and with the last bit of common sense, he pushed Changbin away and slapped him on the face. "Are you stupid ?! What the hell was that supposed to be?" The brunette hissed angrily and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Changbin didn't look at him. He held his red swollen cheek and stared at the floor. He looked scared. And somehow hurt too. "Sorry ... I should better go again.", The black-haired man finally mumbled in a broken voice and disappeared from Youngjae's room. He let him go because it was just for the best. They both had to come back down and have a clear thought. Then they would talk to each other tomorrow, apologize to each other and go back to their normal everyday lives. Youngjae skilfully ignored the fact that his heart was beating wildly and his cheeks were still glowing.

How wrong he was then.

That kiss had changed everything. Their friendship and herself. And before Youngjae knew it, they had almost fallen out. They no longer went to class together, they no longer ate lunch together in the cafeteria, they no longer studied together, they no longer met. They only saw each other now and then in the playground and in the school corridors. Their mutual clique quickly noticed this ice age. He could still clearly remember Hyunjin's words. "In every good relationship there is an argument. But trust me, that will go away and then you will be our favorite ship again." Unfortunately, the blonde was wrong because almost a month after they kissed, Changbin introduced them to his boyfriend. Lee Felix, cute face with freckles and every woman's dream (and what every man looked like). Youngjae knew that he should act like a true best friend and be happy. That he should wish Changbin all the best. But he couldn't. Instead, he acted like the world's biggest moron, got angry, gave both of them a pejorative look, and just left.

Later, a classmate confessed her love to him, and Youngjae gave her a chance. Suzy was really pretty and had a cute character, but that was about it. When they kissed, when he held her, even when they made love, he felt it was wrong. That it was all wrong. And not only that. Changbin has avoided him since dating the girl as if he were plagued. The black-haired man avoided his gaze and seemed to be running away from him. For whatever reason. Until one day Suzy came to him. She wanted to talk to him. And her words left him speechless. "Jae, you know that I love you. But I can't and don't want to be with someone who doesn't love me. That wouldn't be fair to both of us. I'm grateful to you for these wonderful months and I hope with all my heart that he'll love you as much as I do. " Youngjae was petrified. He? How did she come up with the idea that it was a boy? Without saying a word, he let her embrace over him and watched her go until she disappeared around a corner. So now he was single again. And alone again.

When the doorbell rang later that evening, Youngjae did not have the inclination or the mood to receive any visitors. He wanted to be alone and stifle his frustration with a cream cake the size of a cake plate that he had bought in a bakery on the way home. So he ignored the bell and continued to eat calmly. But the visitor was quite pushy and at some point didn't seem to take his finger off the doorbell. Frustrated, Youngjae slammed the cake fork on the table and stomped to the door to open it and give a lecture to that annoyance behind it. But with the best will in the world, he would not have expected that he would turn up here. Changbin looked at him embarrassed, his jacket soaked and water dripping from his pony. So it was raining outside, he hadn't even noticed. But what Youngjae had right now was a rough dejavu. He stared at his best friend for an eternity, then slowly opened his mouth. "Binnie ..." Youngjae whispered and swore that his voice sounded so hoarse.

The black-haired man seemed to force himself to smile. "Hey Jaejae .... Can I come in? It's freezing.", He said, whereupon Youngjae nodded briefly and let him in, then closed the door again. After Changbin had taken off his jacket and shoes and Youngjae had made hot cappuccino for both of them, they were now sitting on the couch in the living room. There was silence between them, and Youngjae had no idea how to break it either. What did you say to your best friend, with whom you had almost no contact for the past few months? The brunette had no idea, in the 16 years of his life he had never had a situation like this. He looked out of the corner of his eye at Changbin, who was holding the cup between his hands and staring at the steaming liquid, lost in thought.

"Are you happy with her?" The question came so unprepared and so out of nowhere that Youngjae winced slightly. "Please?" He asked not very intelligently, he finally understood the question. "Are you happy with her?" Changbin asked the question again without looking at him. Youngjae considered briefly whether he should tell him that at all. Finally he decided to do it. "We broke up. She said she couldn't be with anyone who doesn't love her." He said truthfully and carefully sipped his cappuccino. There was a small laugh at that, but it didn't sound spiteful or mean in any way. It sounded rather sad. Youngjae looked at Changbin in confusion, but before he could say anything, the black-haired man spoke up. "I was allowed to listen to almost the same thing from Lixie. He said that we should stop fooling each other into real love. We both knew that our hearts belong to someone else. I didn't know at the moment what to say . He just smiled and hugged me, then wished me good luck and left. "

Youngjae put a compassionate hand on Changbin 'shoulder as he rested his elbows on his knees and leaned his forehead against the cup in his hands. He didn't say it out loud, but he could already guess who Felix had left his best friend for. But he'd wondered why Binnie had never noticed the looks Felix and Hyunjin had exchanged. In all honesty, you could have thought that the two of them were fucking each other just by eye contact.

It was different with him. Suzy loved him, but he didn't love her. Youngjae sighed softly. "Maybe we were both just plain stupid." "Or desperate, Jaejae." "Or stupid and desperate." The black-haired man looked at him and the corners of his mouth rose in a crooked grin. "Somehow, the last variant suits us best. So desperate to throw ourselves into the first relationship we can get, and so stupid to even consider something like that We should both have realized that this would end in a fiasco. " Youngjae then looked at him with a sad smile. "Maybe we both just wanted to know what it is like to be loved and wanted. I mean, Suzy is a great girl, but these feelings I was looking for ... "" You didn't find her? That's how it was with Felix. He's really a great guy, but he wasn't what I was looking for, you understand? Something was missing all along. "

Youngjae then looked thoughtfully at Changbin. By the end of their conversation, an idea had manifested in his head. They both wanted the same thing. They both wanted to be loved and desired. There was no shortage of love, at least in one way or another. Maybe ... "Binnie?" The brunette began without thinking about it. When he caught his best friend's attention, Youngjae cleared his throat briefly and took the mug from Changbin's hands to steal it on the living room table. The black-haired man wanted to protest, but Youngjae did not let him have a say, grabbed his collar and pulled him into a kiss. Christ, how he missed those lips. Those rough lips that tasted like chocolate cappuccino this time. He felt Changbin tense up briefly, either he was just frozen in shock or he had to think of their first kiss, which didn't end so well. Youngjae whimpered softly against Changbin's lips as he thought of that day. He was so sorry he wanted to make it up to you.

A hand was on the back of his neck and Changbin returned the kiss with the same passion that Youngjae displayed. And damn it, he'd never been kissed like this before! He let go of Changbin's shirt collar and instead wrapped his arms around his neck to get even closer to him. The black-haired man's still free hand was now on his bottom, which gave Youngjae a strange feeling. It wasn't anything negative by any means, it was just so new to him. He wanted more. Much much more.  
And that's what he got. Until that night, he hadn't known how good sex with a man felt.  
And a few months later he also knew how painful it was to love someone with all your heart, but to have been too late to see them happy with someone else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Youngjae sat up straight with a jerk and shook her head violently. He didn't want to think about it anymore, he just wanted to forget about Changbin. He wanted to erase those cursed feelings so he wouldn't have to suffer like that anymore. Why couldn't he just fall in love again and start over? Why was his stupid heart so attached to the black-haired man. Youngjae sobbed and buried his face in his hands. He hadn't even cried because of Changbin since their first kiss, which was almost five years ago. He had been angry and jealous, but tears had never flowed. Why did he have to cry right now? He had realized that he had lost it. Not as a best friend, but as what they might have been for each other. If only he had been brave enough, maybe he would have stood next to Changbin in front of the altar now. Not as a best man, but as his future husband.

Youngjae was so busy sinking into self-pity that he didn't notice someone sitting next to him. Only when he was pulled into an embrace did he look up, startled. "You damn asshole ... I was so worried ..." he heard a hoarse voice whisper at that moment, and his tension eased. Youngjae timidly returned Changbin's embrace and leaned against him. The young man's black hair tickled his neck and drops of water fell on his skin. It had stopped raining now, why was Changbin wet?

"Binnie, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at your ...", he began softly, but was promptly interrupted. "Jeongin and I called off the wedding ..... After you threw the ring at my head in such a cinematic way and ran off. He smiled at me and said that it would not do any good. That he was not the right one for me . And that he knew that I would never love him because someone else already has my heart and I should finally have the courage to tell this idiot, otherwise we would never get it on the chain. That I shouldn't always run away as soon as the going gets tough. And he's right, damn it. He's so right. "

Youngjae no longer understood the world. Changbin and Jeongin called off the wedding? The ceremony was almost over, all they had to do was swap rings and kiss. At that moment he felt a gentle pressure on his shoulders that pushed him back. Youngjae looked directly into Changbin's face, and he smiled at him with so much tenderness that tears welled up in his eyes again. The black-haired man put a hand on Youngjae's cheek and gently stroked the reddened skin with his thumb. The brunette immediately leaned into the touch, he had missed this intimacy and closeness so much. "Jaejae?" Changbin's timid voice prompted those addressed to look directly into his eyes again.

"I love you ~"

~ ❤️ ~

"And then? Dad, what happened then?" A four-year-old boy was lying in his bed with a plush gravel firmly in his arms, and looked at Youngjae with large, curious eyes. Said papa smiled gently and caressed the soft hair of his son. "Soon afterwards, Prince Binnie and Prince Jaejae married. And to make their happiness perfect, they later took in a little boy named Seungmin, who then became their son and that they loved more than anything. And if they haven't died, they are still alive today. " The child giggled and snuggled against his cuddly toy: "Your son's name is just like me!" Youngjae smiled and nodded. "Yes, because they knew that only a little Seungmin would make them really happy. Now sleep well, my sparrow. Remember, Uncle Hyunjin and Uncle Felix are coming with Younha tomorrow. You want to have a good rest." Seungmin then beamed at him, he was already looking forward to seeing Younha again. She was the same age as he and the daughter of Hyunjin and Felix. He closed his eyes politely and mumbled, "Good night, papa." And Youngjae couldn't kiss his forehead as quickly as the little one fell asleep. He smiled gently and carefully got up, covered his son neatly and left the room as quietly as he could. Changbin, who had been leaning against the doorframe with a smile and listening to his husband, waited until he had closed the door and then pulled him into his arms. "So, our love story is now a fairy tale, right? At least you left out the adult sections." Youngjae blushed and gave him a light pat on the shoulder. "Fool, he's only four! He's way too young for any sex education class." The young man's embarrassed reaction made Changbin laugh, then he leaned over and kissed Youngjae tenderly, which Youngjae replied immediately.

"Speaking of sex education, baby ..... I think we need to brush up on something."

~ End ~


End file.
